I am the Self Sabotage Queen

Well. I am 100% confident enough to say I am extremely good at self sabotage.

Take my last whole month and that is enough in itself. I had a loss... then I ate it all back again.

What an achievement.

Not.

Why do I do that? Why does anyone do that? I can find more reasons to eat something  bad AND I can justify it without batting an eyelid.

I recognize I have a problem here, as do many of us who battle weight loss. I have been trying to read up on it to see what I can do.

I know I have to be stronger.. but you know what? That's not always that easy. Sad but true.

It takes a lot to get to that kind of mental strength when you don't have any to start with.

I haven't been working since December and thought I would be working a lot sooner than I am. But hallelujah I start a job on Monday. Not only that but its a 10 minute walk from home, which is a BIG change from the hour + drive each way.

I thought with not working I would spend a lot more time working on my weight loss, home made meals, plenty of time to exercise etc. Sadly once again it was great in theory. I woke up and sometimes went to the gym, other times I thought well I have all day I'll go later..... I never made it.

Structure. Routine. Planning. I need all of these things. A new job that I can walk to and from is a start. i can easily make it to the gym before work even all in daylight. I have thought I might gym or do extra walking after work depending on my sessions. I don't want to aim for polar opposite and over commit but I only do 30 minute gym sessions at a time so its not as much as it seems. In theory my eating should be good as I wont be as bored to think about food, or stressing about no job, or just thinking about delicious food to eat... you see where I'm going there.

My man goes back to work on Monday too. Him being home ALWAYS throws my routine out... I'm not sure why I can't keep with the gym etc but I need to get better. What is it about drinking beer and eating crap food that seems appealing with others?

So my pledge to this next week:

Next week I will stick to points THE WHOLE week and exercise 5 days.

While I'm thinking of it - removing the weekly points definitely helped. Until I ate them anyway.

Next week I WILL have a victory!

Trace xo

THE CONS OF WEEKLY PRO POINTS

You mean I'm allowed to eat an extra 2 days worth of food over the week in addition to my daily points balance? Yes please!

When starting out my journey (a couple of weeks ago), this new system (I've previously had great success on old points system) had my jumping through hula hoops as I was struggling to fit all of my meals into my daily points balance. Extra weekly points to use meant simple things for me, I can have potato with my dinner (sings 'these are a few of my favourite thingsss'), I could have a couple of beers sitting in the sun in the weekend. MAYBE I could still have a chocolate bar every now and then too. Excellent news. I felt like squealing along with jumping through hula hoops at this.

Until I tried it.

And I gained on my start weight. 

I'm sorry, say what now?! Yep. That happened. Devastated, angry, confused - you name it, I was going through it.

Back to the drawing board I went and analyzed everything. Maybe I didn't exercise enough, maybe I'm kidding myself on my portion control, maybe I am holding onto the lakes full of water I'm drinking. Or MAYBE it's because I'm eating 2 days extra of food a week and my exercise can't keep up with countering that.

This week I've taken a slightly different approach to test what's going on here. I've increased my exercise to earn over 50 exercise points this week, but still kept the weekly allowance points for emergency deliciousness. Because lets face it, if WW has prescribed this - it should still work. I don't officially weigh in until Monday so I have a couple of days until the results of this test are revealed.

However, I have a confession. I had a sneaky peek at the scales this morning, and low and behold. I've gained 1.2kg! To say I'm outraged is an understatement. But, the last two days I have had a bit of a binge including chips with my dinner (I hadn't had potato in 4 days!) and used up all of my weekly allowance - so I am praying that the next two days of normal points at least gets it back to normal.

Best case scenario I'm expecting to see no lose, but hoping for the gain to have settled down.

I doubt that will happen.

Next week I'm going to scrap my weekly points completely and just stick to the daily ones, keeping my exercise above 50 - preferably more. Extra planning will go into this as we have people staying with us for the whole week which will make my planning a bit harder but I will do my best to push through. Basically I'm going back to the old system that worked for me the first time but the point values have altered.

What's your experience with the extra weekly allowance? Do you feel you need to counter it with even more exercise to balance it out in order to have a good loss on the scales? or does the prescribed system work for you?

I will get this right! It's just not the profound start I was hoping for...

Trace xo

THE TIME HAS COME

Mhmmm I need to give myself a good ol' kick up the bum.

Why do we do it to ourselves? lie to ourselves like this.. it's not like we don't really know the truth.

I battle the mind games like there's no tomorrow - I'm not really that big, my clothes still fit - they might be tight but they still fit, I eat healthy, I make everything fresh, I'm allowed to have a treat sometimes. They say everything in moderation. Except major downfall - My brain doesn't understand the term moderation. My brain thinks if I have chocolate just today but I have the whole block - that's only indulging a little too much. What the? *smacks myself*

I have promised myself I will get my sh*t together this year. I will learn to eat because my body needs it, not because I'm bored, tired, cranky etc. I have joined Weight Watchers online and I will stick to points CORRECTLY and no FORGET to put things in that I may have had today that I'm in denial about. I WILL be HONEST. I will work around eating out and other occasions to ensure I am sticking to my goals but not missing out.

I will exercise 5 days a week. I tried for 6 but reality is - it's not going to happen. So 5 it is. A couple of weeks ago I started Nia Shanks 3x3x3 program and I am loving it.. it's only 3 days a week.. but so far I've still only made it to 2 a week. Today.. This week. That changes!

Since I'm being honest here, I'm also going to tell you I started week 6 of a 10k running app. And I suck at it! I was all good up until having to run 5 minutes at a time more than once. My brain doesn't let me push through, I try.. and don't suceed. I'm not sure about continuing this at the moment. I want to say I can run 10k! But for the life of me I cannot run as the app is wanting me too. So I'm thinking about switching back to some interval training. I really love Tone It Ups Fat Burning Treadmill workout.. it is deadly! So maybe I'll do one day a week and maybe a Spin class.

Key for me is to not make it complicated or long! I've worked out 45 minutes is my max before I'm outta there. 30 minutes is preferable plus a walk to and from the gym (15 minutes each way).

What is is about the mind games? How do you move past that or get through it without just going - just do it.. thanks Nike.. I'm trying. I need like baby steps to get through that.

OH! I almost forgot to say - this has all been reignited more to make sure I follow through thanks to my brothers wedding invite that arrived in the mail this morning! It's a beach wedding in the Whitsundays in August - I WILL be at goal for that!

I'm happy to say I am on track for a stellar week of points so far. Keeping to my points without using my extra propoints to see how weight in goes on Monday.



 xo Trace